a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.

- oscar wilde

for years i’ve had this recurring lucid dream. i am not sure how exactly how to translate it as i don’t see any inherent deeper meaning. i am not sure if it happens before, during or after major events or changes in my life and i am not sure if it represents a person, place or thing. what i do know is that i’ve been dreaming it for years and once again i dreamed that dream last night..

it starts simple enough with me fading into dreaming. it’s kind of like curtains being pulled away from a movie screen. i find myself bathed in light, glorious golden light and realize quickly that i’m laying on a bed or on a mattress and there is a flat sheet covering me. the sheet is either white or yellow because the light coming through is golden. i think realize that the light is warm and i am warm so i assume the light is sunshine coming through a window.

there is a woman laying on the bed or mattress with me. i cannot see her but i feel her. i feel her physically and actually and i am happy and i am warm. we are playing under the sheets. perhaps tickling or wrestling or tussling, and she is laughing. she is laughing and this laugh is booming and soft at the same time and so joyous and welcoming and it surrounds me the very same way the sheets surround me. i am warm and i am happy and i am bathing in this glorious, golden light along with her laughter.

the dream continues this way for what seems to be forever. or perhaps we aren’t moving. perhaps i am just laying still in the laughter that is so real it’s tangible and that warm, golden light. my heart is beating quickly and heavily. there is a weight in my chest, not a tension weight or from the effects stress… but the weight we tend to get from emotional buildup. its so heavy. then just when its so heavy and rich that i simply cannot bare it any longer the sheet slides back just a bit.

things move really quickly now as i am blinded by the revealed light and she tilts her head back in a fit of joy. i cannot see her face over the “lens flare” that the sun coming in through the window creates, but i can see her teeth and her smile and her lips. i am filled with a happiness i cannot explain, words do not exist in this place i am in for this brief moment where she is smiling and laughing and we are playing beneath the sheets in that sea of golden light. i feel like she is about to look at me..

..then i wake up.

i wake up and open my eyes and the golden light fades away. reality cycles in and the laughter echoes in my ear. it fades with each passing second and i shut my eyes to try to hold onto it. my chest heaves less and less and my breathing returns to its normal rhythm. i don’t know her, but i already miss her, severely… i miss her laugh and that smile. i miss that place of utter perfection that i know i’ve never been before. i am left wanting..

it’s important, i suppose, to note that i am not unhappy after the fact. truthfully i’m usually very very happy after the dream, though i am left wishing to return. there are never spectacular things happening at the moment and its never in the midst of a romantic change of sorts. the dreams come randomly, always with the same tempo, always leaving and inspiring the same feelings of happiness, warmth and wanting..

..ra

every passion borders on the chaotic..

- walter benjamin

the realities of our life are usually more entertaining than our fictions. the ways we choose to negotiate our versions of good, bad, right and wrong are often comical at best. we take great care of our self-delusions and seek out that place where we can just float.. or maybe i’m speaking about myself again and this has nothing to do with any of the observations i’ve made..

the image resonates with me. buzzfeed released their 45 most powerful images of the year 2011 and it was number 25. i stared at it for a while as i attempted to figure out what about it was so compelling. it took a while but i began to understand that it was the semblance of beauty amidst chaos, the sheer passion of the moment. a grain of calm totally enshrouded by anger and rage and many other emotions.

i found myself smiling and comparing the photograph to a thousand different concepts, both metaphorical and actual, where powerful emotions such as passion push back the darkness we tend to inflict upon ourselves. i think about all the people i hold dear and how they’ve systematically triumphed over their personal demons in one way or another and how, in general, i’ve done the same. the photograph, which should be credited to Getty Images / Rich Lam, reminded me why i have this lasting love affair with people and humanity and why my chosen medium of expression is the frozen moment.

there is a quote by terry pratchett that suggests that darkness is faster that light because wherever light travels the darkness is there waiting for it. what pratchett fails to explain is that the light, once it arrives, pushes back the night with ease and extreme prejudice. maybe i’m over-thinking things again. or maybe it is a comfortable reminder that contrary to what people say, this life is long, very long, and while sometimes it seems the bad days just keep stacking up – there will always be days of respite.

passion in the middle of a riot. how perfect.

..ra

moving fast is not the same as going somewhere..

- robert anthony

i love pictures. doesn’t really matter who took them or with what equipment they were taken.. i love captured images. these days with so much going on in my life – like the looming possibility of moving across the country or the more immediate issues of maintaining paying work, training for the miami marathon and trying to get into law school, its damn near impossible to get myself into a studio or to work on the gazillion imaging ideas i have in my head..

..truth be told, even though i always have a camera on me in some capacity (be it the rebel or my film camera), i’m usually moving so quickly i don’t get a chance to pull it out: and a camera that isn’t in the hand is essentially useless. luckily, however, my iphone is always in my hand and that has been serving as my photo capture and editing solution.

lets be clear, as far as cameras go, the iphone’s is pretty subpar. but the illusion of the package and the illusion of the compression is damn good and truthfully, sometimes what you get turns out to be quite interesting. though i only post a few images here and there on my facebook page: Robert Billings Photography, a lot of the images that i take and really enjoy on my iphone don’t get much play.

i usually use the instagram application (get it here: instagram) because its really clean and i’m a huge fan of both the social possibilities there and the filters and designs. simple, easy and fun. so i’ve linked a few of the images i’ve taken to this blog to kind of have them somewhere and perchance i’ll add to them as time goes on. hopefully soon these busy days will become only half busy days and then i’ll be able to slow down, look around, take out my camera and capture.

until then..

..ra

the kodak company was established in 1881 by george eastman. he came up with the name with his mother during an anagram game, and like the letter ‘K’ as it seemed strong and incisive he wanted to adhere to the three concepts of a name being short, easy to pronounce and something that would only be associated with what it was. this he definitely achieved, with the name he created still being one of the major firms associated with photography.

however, it seems that the company is having trouble adapting to this new and rapidly changing age of technology. this is definitely something that is not easy to do, with almost everyone owning a digital camera that does not require film. the changes do not stop there either, with advanced computers that photographers can view their photographs on and print from, as well as do countless other things like communicate with friends, play partypoker and run websites. if a company is going to survive nowadays, it must be able to move with the times and it does not seem like kodak is able to flourish in this environment. companies like panasonic and sony are more in touch with people’s modern-day desires and are overtaking kodak.

the irony lies in the fact that there appears to be a subtle revival of film, with a number of camera shops opening up all over the place. photographers are slowly returning to the once-popular medium of developing film, and processing labs are beginning to notice a positive difference in their sales. hopefully kodak can be salvaged. it is one of the best-loved and most well-known names in the photography industry and it would be a shame to lose such a high-profile contributor.

..ra

we fear doing too little when we should do more. Then atone by doing too much, when perhaps we should do less.

- robert trout

so apparently there is a downside to this “follow your bliss” stuff i’ve been selling. there is so much that moves me, so much i am interested in that i find some things being put to the wayside as i move from topic to topic, person to person, place to place. i’m being split into so many pieces that i am not giving my all to any of these things i love. that has to change immediately..

its been forever since i’ve edited a single photograph. this is mainly due to the fact that i’ve found an interest in law and have been studying for the upcoming LSAT exam on october 1st. i’ve touched my guitar exactly two times in the last three months (still can’t hit an F chord properly) and that is due to the fact that i’ve been working with the team at Hop the Rail Productions to get the few projects we’ve been involved with off the ground. i’ve slowed down on the filming lately due to the fact that i’ve joined a running team to prepare me for the Miami Marathon this upcoming January in honor of my mother and a young lady named Risa, both of whom have survived cancer.

anyone seeing a pattern?

there just aren’t enough hours in my day. i’m so easily distracted lately. i’ve quit world of warcraft for good, absolutely for good… but then i purchased a PS3 and am re-addicted to old games like kingdom hearts, god of war and grand theft auto! wtf man!!

but i’m sure its only a minor hitch. a slight need for organization is required i’m thinking. come october 1st, the LSAT studying will cease… since i’d have taken the exam and that will definitely free up time for either some serious editing or perhaps a guitar strumming or two. the running occurs in isolated pockets that i can build the rest of my world around and well the socialization will deal with and erase the time wasted in videoland.

yes. that sounds like a fine solution. oh… did i mention i’m thinking of returning to france/spain for another camino next summer?

dammit.

ra..

for the 10-year anniversary of the events of september 11th many people have come together to pay homage to the tragedy in their own way. my brother, kahleem poole, put together a wonderful tribute video along with the help of the people at the fight nerd.

the video entitled, “the fighting spirit” (found here: The Fighting Spirit) stars several luminaries from the NY-based martial arts community, including veterans like Renzo Gracie and TUF finalist Pete Sell who share their stories and experiences from that day ten years ago.

a special thanks goes to the people at the fight nerd and a big kudos goes out to kahleem.

..ra

For those of you that were going to come out and support, the screening information, dates and times as well as where to get the tickets will follow! Thanks in advance for your support and please believe this is only the first of many films we make!

Screening #1: AMC Empire Theater @ Times Square in NYC
3pm on Thursday, August 18th, Theater 18 – 370 seats.

Will be screening along side:

SHORTS PROGRAM: WTF (WHAT THE F*%K)
MAKE LOVE STAY | Sarah Louise Wilson
MASCARA NEGRA (BLACK MASK) | Rene Brasil
LA DUCHA (THE SHOWER) | Maria Jose San Martin
THE BASEMENT | Jezabel Montero
LULLABY FOR RAY | Marina Shron
LA LUPITA | Ivete Lucas
PULSIONES (PULSES) | Jose Manuel Carrasco
ESTAS SEGURA CONMIGO (YOU’RE SAFE WITH ME) | Eric Yang
MIRACLE | Xochitl Gonzalez

Screening #2: AMC Empire Theater @ Times Square in NYC
12pm on Sunday, August 21st, Theater 14 – 301 seats.

Will be screening alongside:

SHORTS PROGRAM: WTF (WHAT THE F*%K)
MAKE LOVE STAY | Sarah Louise Wilson
MASCARA NEGRA (BLACK MASK) | Rene Brasil
LA DUCHA (THE SHOWER) | Maria Jose San Martin
THE BASEMENT | Jezabel Montero
LULLABY FOR RAY | Marina Shron
LA LUPITA | Ivete Lucas
PULSIONES (PULSES) | Jose Manuel Carrasco
ESTAS SEGURA CONMIGO (YOU’RE SAFE WITH ME) | Eric Yang
MIRACLE | Xochitl Gonzalez

So please, get your tickets early as I am sure with such great films on either side of it the seats will go quickly. To purchase tickets please go to this link: ( Purchase Devoted Tickets ).

note: don’t be confused by the name of the group you see, there are a series of short films playing all at once and the ticket you purchase will grant you access to them all.

Also, the film will be automatically entered into a contest so your support, your cheers and anything else you can muster are all needed and appreciated!

See at the theater!

we have our official screening schedule for the devoted short film during the festival.

UPDATED: Tickets go on sale tomorrow at 6pm. For those of you that showed interest in coming out to support our short film, the tickets go on sale tomorrow. Below you’ll find the information regarding the screening location and where you can purchase tickets. Thanks for your interest!!

the boys and i have had a milestone month! we finally solidified our production company, “hop the rail production” and one of our first projects was officially selected by the people at NYILFF. they contacted me today with our official schedule and that schedule is as follows:

screening #1: thursday, august 18th at 3:00PM at the AMC Empire Theater, screen 18. (370 seats)
screening #2: sunday, august 21st at 12:00PM at the AMC Empire Theater, screen 14. (301 seats)

these times are fixed, there can be no rescheduling, so please if you’re coming out to support, get your tickets ASAP!!

i would definitely like to thank all the people on the team: Kahleem Poole, Levan Reginald Hines, Margaret Ying Drake and Teddy Sanchez.

i’d also like to thank all the people at the festival for their support and assistance. if you’re interested in finding out more about the festival, you can check out their webpage (click: official ny international latino film festival) and their facebook fanpage (click: festival facebook fan Page).

Tickets are on sale now via their website! The purchasing link is: ( Purchase Tickets for Devoted! )

..the most important elements are colour, light and shadow.

- toru takemitsu

anyone that has ever picked up a camera and taken a picture, photographer or not, has found that there are times when the scene is just too dark or too bright. they realize at that point they may have to make some sacrifices/alterations in order to get a usable image. depending on your skill level this can mean either having one part of the image washed out or lost in shadow, in order to keep your subject clear or if you are more toward the professional side of the equation it can mean mixing in more lights and or light modifiers to alter the scene all together.

another solution, albeit it difficult at times and somewhat surreal, is the creation of an HDR image. HDR means “high dynamic range” and is a series of actions that allow a photographer to create an image with a vastly superior range between the lights and shadows of a given situation. so without getting into the technical aspects of the process, it makes it possible to not sacrifice on lights and/or shadows when one is incredibly stronger than the other. (so you can get that pretty sky and your friend standing in front of the window).

i’ve attempted HDR for quite a while now and have never really gotten the results i’ve wanted. this can be contributed to poor HDR software (i was using photoshop) and the fact that most cameras only bracket for THREE shots. what this means is that i can get a shot that is properly exposed as the camera recommends and two others, be they over-exposed (brighter) or underexposed (darker) than recommended. in theory this should be more than enough but the results were lacking. of course if you want more than three shots you can always adjust exposure manually but then you risk camera shake and having images with ghosts (when someone or something is in one image but not the others so the HDR creates a spectre-like form).

luckily i came across the HDRI website. it is an entire community based around HDR captures and techniques. within this community where both beginners and advanced photographers come together, they have developed a fantastic device that assists with HDR-related problems like the one i mentioned.. the short of it is that they take a typical Nintendo DS (or DS lite) and modify a cartridge to allow it to be used along with many cameras (i use a Canon 5D Mark II as well as a Canon T1i) to expand your bracketing far beyond three stops. there are many settings and controls you can adjust, right through the DS’s touchscreen and your camera responds in kind. they call it the OCC or Open Camera Controller and it does some really awesome things.

as you can imagine i immediately joined the site and read through some of the OCC forum pages to get a feel for the community and learn a bit about the controller. after a week or so of quietly “listening” i was confident that it was not only a quality product, but that the community stood behind it so furiously that support would always be there. i contacted one of the moderators of the forums, Achim Berg, to find out how i could get my hands on the hardware. he was not only extremely helpful, but agreed to make it himself. within ten days i had my hands on the custom modification for both of my camera bodies.

canon 5d mark ii wiring

canon t1i wiring

now that i had the connectors, i had to track down the hardware that actually did the hack to allow the DS to acknowledge the wires i just received. i found a nice little spot on the LES (lower east side of new york city – manhattan) that sold not only vintage games but the infamous M3 Zero card!

m3 zero card + micro sd memory card

the M3 zero card unlocks the read/write capabilities of your nintendo ds. it serves as a conduit to allow the nintendo ds (or ds lite) to read whatever is on the micro sd memory card that is inserted within it. in this case, what was on the card was the bracketing program i wanted to use for the HDR controls and a time lapse program that i will eventually play around with to record cloudscapes and the passage from day to night.

instructions on how to use the OCC controller can be found at the HDRI Website under “OCC” and instructions on how to set up your M3 Zero card can be found here: M3 Adapters.

so after setting everything, making sure things worked and configuring my camera for optimal results, i went to test the HDR. the bracketing program seems a bit difficult at first but it wasn’t. it allowed me to take up to 9 exposures and choose between 1 full stop intervals, half-stop intervals or third-stop intervals between the exposures up to a maximum of 27 shots. it also allows you to account for “mirror lockup”, noise-reduction and a host of other little minor issues. it even has specific location imput for those using panning intruments.

i took the stuff with me on a recent trip to arizona and on one of the mountains in sedona, i decided to test it out. now, admittedly, i didn’t do so well. not because the machinery or setup doesn’t work well, but because i am still learning proper HDR myself. that being said, i still produced a decent enough example. so here are the images:

so this is an image of a mountain in sedona, arizona at what the camera (my t1i) recommended was normal exposure. i had a 100mm lens on the camera (effectively 160mm). the image is ok, but due to the super strong sun and the haze that was in the air, something feels missing.

these images respectively are the settings and results of one full stop over and then under exposed.  these weren’t really any better.

so i figured i would combine these three exposure to see what the result would be. in truth this test isn’t at all optimal and usually more exposures could and should be chosen, but for the sake of speed i’ll use just three. the software i used was photomatix 4, and i left all the settings on default. the result, while not being a mind changing creation, was much better than the recommended exposure and is much closer to an image i’d use:

the combination of all three images

so its not the greatest example of what HDR can look like when properly done, but that’s my fault, not the OCC.it OCC serves as a great tool and can solve many of the issues hobbyists, artists and professional photographers all share. here are some examples of what really nicely done HDR can look like: 35 Fantastic HDR Pictures. who knows, maybe i’ll get the hang of this and create some magical images of my own!

..ra

so its finally happened. the feature documentary, “NY-MMA” directed by kahleem poole and produced by stephen koepfer is finally getting a proper theatrical showing. for those of you who follow the issues surrounding the illegality of the mixed martial arts situation in new york city and of course those that support the films that we develop who happen to be in the rochester, ny area.. please take a moment, come out and support a great documentary.

Location: Ohmann Theater, William Street, Lyons, NY 14489
Time: 2:00PM Saturday, July 30th

for those not familiar with the issue, but are interested, you can find more information about the ban on mixed martial arts in new york state by reading this article posted by ESPN, MMA in New York: An Underground Story. while it isn’t necessarily objective, it certainly does provide the groundwork for the issue.

hope to see you at the theatre!