..a cognitive psychology professor i had once walked into class on the first day and said to us boldly,
“the brain is built for efficiency, not accuracy”
these days that statement comes to mind often for me. primarily after or during a conversation where assumptions have been made, expectations fail painfully, and ego goes on the defensive. i’ve had multiple conversations these past few weeks in which i had to step back, outside myself and bare witness to my own bullshit…my own brand of nonsense that i am painfully aware of..but so effectively habituated to spew.
see..i know that people are lazy and tend to assume rather than ask. i am aware that there is a level of “normalcy” in western society that most people subscribe to even if i do not and that from this normalcy a series of expectations come into play. i am aware that my saying nothing can and usually is interpreted as an agreement or at the very least a neutral pardoning of sorts.
i am aware of these things and still in my everyday behavior, conversation and interaction..i continually walk through this cloud of vague, metaphysical..nonsense.
the goal is manipulation. clearly. perhaps not malicious manipulation where i attempt to gain footing or leverage against someone but more along the lines of movement. what reactions can i get. what will this person do in order to make their point, or to disprove mine. where can this particular interaction go.
i suppose the point is entertainment..to feel something.
but yes. efficiency. assumptions are made..expectations exist. these facts form the backbone of any argument or discussion i get into where i am being held accountable…for something. “you” assumed. “you” expected. why did “you”…blah blah blah. redirection and reflection are an art form, have a look at my brushes. have a look at these brushes that i’ve used to paint the most colorful images with.
see, my canvas is your laziness. your fear. your inability or unwillingness to just be direct and to say what you feel or think..to express yourself without the foolish assumption that i understand, that i know or that i even fucking care. i thrive when you become emotional over a shortcut you took. over something you felt i knew or understood or over things you would normally do…that i did not. as though we were the same person or that i had my own set of printouts of your thoughts.
i don’t.
but despite the selective use of pronouns, this isn’t about me necessarily. it isn’t about you necessarily. its about all of us, as a people. as people. we are striving to become way too efficient. our accuracy is diminishing and the way we interact with one another is becoming trite at best. we are fighting because we assume our partners or our friends understand our feelings or our thoughts or our desires. we are choking on our own jealousies and petty beliefs.
all it takes is a moment. a moment to say to someone, “i’d like you to be there”. a moment that can easily negate the need for hours of ill feelings and days of payback. a moment to say to someone, “i’d rather you not go” or “i don’t like the way he looks at you”. an ounce of clarity is worth more than a pound of explanation.
but its just my suggestion. feel free to remain efficient and quick. bypass the necessary statements and just assume that a “connection” exists. a connection strong enough to allow someone else to know, innately what you feel, need or think at any given time. i’m sure this will work out for you.
after all its not like i took this blog of self-admission and made it your fault..now is it?
..ra
